                ___       _     _         _     _     __     ___
               ||__   ''  ||    ||   ''  || \ / ||  || _||  ||  _
               .___'  ||  ''=.  ''=. ||  ||  '' ''  ''  ''  '.___|
Hi there, ho there, it's a very special edition of Mini-Mag. This one is themed around the amazing Sillyventure parties and the cool things that go on there. This is about as functional an article intro as you're going to get from me. So read on, engorge! ..E d i t o r i a l.. And we're hearing first of all, from someone who is quite a lot like, but isn't Grey. "Dudez! what a big sh*t we're cooking up for Sillyventure, with a massive rollin' chunk of mini-mag text written specially for You!" :)) "Welcome to Silly-Mag. Feel invited to the most positively twisted scener mag ever! :)) Atari a dead system, NO WAY! Geesus Christ we did it! I managed to write da editorial! Read away and have some cool fun in Poland Dudez!" ..S c e n e - N e w s.. Comet probe released by Checkpoint! After the Philae comet probe landed on the 14th November 2014, it was revealed that the hardware and software for it had both been provided by Defjam of Checkpoint. The hardware was an old Mega ST, last see alive at the Symposium '96 party near Hamburg. The probe's software, a series of special routines coded by Defjam, worked brilliantly, up until the point that excessive power consumption from the constantly operating floppy disk drive, finally ran down the probe's limited battery life. Defjam is unrepentant! Paradox - This time, shit gets real! Elite Atari STE fans, Paradox are keeping their latest demo under very tight security, prior to its unveiling at the Sillyventure 2014 compo's. Some things they were prepared to disclose however, included a likely outbreak of displeasure if the party voting fails to go their way, yet again. "We've coded our nuts off all year and it shows!" claimed a distraught Olli 'Paranoid' Heun. "Our read.me texts are the finest on all the Atari scene!" He added. "I don't get why people seem to look on us as an afterthought. It really isn't fair!" Neck muscles bulging with unreleased anger, a tense Ralf "RA' Zenker added "It's me, a baseball bat and locked doors this year! So you'd better remember to vote for us this time. Otherwise I'm going to be the bad Santa that no-one wants a visit from!" Desperate alcoholics turned away from Free Beer Event! A number of people masquerading as Atari Sceners attempted to gain entry under false pretences to the Sillyventure 2014 party. It is thought that they were thinly disguised local alcoholics, who learned about the provision of free beer on tap there and tried to gain access to it for themselves. They were spotted and removed as soon as it became apparent that they were sitting at tables with cardboard replica Atari XL computers. Party organiser, Grey, commented; "It was the lack of cables that gave them away, and the blank pretend screens. If these people showed as much inventiveness in actually coding something, as opposed to trying to blag their way in, they could have as much booze as they want, no problem." Unfortunately, with this zealous approach to the thorny topic of freeloading scum, some actual Atari sceners were unintentionally removed on account of their heavy drinking, as they blended in too successfully with the fakes. Fortunately, the police spotted and stopped one fake attendee, known locally as 'Wodka Jakob', he was dressed in an authentic 'Atari Rules!" t-shirt, but he was dressed *only* in the t-shirt! Dildo Fatwa fail to resurrect, world sighs with relief! The notorious fake crew, active between 2003 and 2008 was buried by CiH in a secretive part of the garden, a careful distance away from the mortal remains of various fondly recalled pet cats. Last Sunday, a close forensic check of the burial site shows no sign of soil disturbance, or any other signs of impending undead resurrection. We are thankful. ..W o r l d - N e w s.. Android sets out to be as annoying as Windows by 2018.. Operating system titans, Android, and Microsoft Windows are to go head to head in the ultimate bid for domination, as to which operating system can piss off its captive users the most! Plucky little Android, a relative newcomer to handheld devices has a lot of work to do. Android has so far underwhelmed a sceptical audience, with its 'quietly staying in the background and getting on with things' properties. However, chief developer Syd Schmerley promises a whole raft of features for the new up and coming version, 'Bitter Lemon'. This will have an update process which is described as 'egotistical and erratic' with a random reject and reboot feature. An overly intrusive Store App will pop up constantly, bringing the system to a complete halt. There is a bright side, as the spinning beach ball is prettier. A special 'overheat and shut down' mode will be available for mid to high end handheld devices. Additionally, the user interface will include a number of useless stupid features, such as a mouse replacing the touchscreen on a tablet device. Android are confident that they can reproduce and exceed the typical Windows user experience with this new release. Syd Schmerley summed things up nicely thus. "A premium platform demands premium stuff-ups! I promise that getting Android will become slightly less popular than getting Ebola. Which still leaves it *miles* ahead of Windows 8!" Gdansk Scouting Association unveils new merit badge for Sillyventure! December 5th 2014. The Gdansk Scouts are pleased to announce their latest merit award for the Sillyventure party. This is an advanced level award for comforting drunken demo-sceners. Candidates will need to display empathy and ninja kitchen towelling skills. This new badge, earned under unique and very difficult conditions, perfectly complements other recently introduced awards, such as intermediate bomb disposal and Marburg Virus avoiding. World Red Bull reserves face depletion by 2016! The next Red Bull angels to visit your demoparty may not have such a big beaming smile on their faces, as it is revealed that the global reserves of the skanky tasting energy drink are set to run out shortly. Unfortunately, it all comes down to the Middle East, again. The last major Red Bull refinery is in the hands of Islamic militants, who are consuming everything it makes. An already poor outlook on their part is made worse by being stuck in a permanently caffeinated half-life state. So there is no way we can talk to them, and a good dose of drone related mayhem will only destroy everything anyway. People are glumly turning to substitute products, such as the knock-off versions with gothic script from a heavy metal album cover on the side of the can. ..G a m e s.. 'FalcSega' - by Dune - Flacon 030! Thadoss of Dune has quietly admitted this year, that his previous Sillyventure smash hit games, such as Beats of Rage and Racer were not wholly original Falcon 030 code. Instead, he reveals he is going to finally release his secret hidden complete Sega Emulator for the Falcon, covering every format from Megadrive to Dreamcast and stop pretending he wrote those games himself! 'Line-dot-stick' - by Simon Bowel - Homemade thing with a crayoned on Fuji Badge X-Factor guru and irritant-in-chief, takes a break from slowly and relentlessly destroying the dreams of young people with moderately good singing voices and cancerous parents, to make a game on a homebrew platform of his own construction. 'Line-dot-stick' uncompromisingly describes the very basic graphics capabilities on display. The gameplay is pretty basic too, described as a 'closed off version of Flappy Birds', where there are no gaps to jump through. Truly there is no escape! ..D e m o s.. 'GreySCALE' - by Cyg of BlaBla - Atari VCS Something different from Cyg this year, as he spurns the Atari ST and maximum colours approach to deploy his special brand of coding wizardry on a new platform instead. He's only gorn and bleeding' well made a 640 x 400 mono mode for the Atari VCS, ain't he! As well as the virtuoso feat of getting such an impossible screen mode from such old and limited hardware, there's even a rudimentary paint package in there. Which is drifting away from the topic of 'demo' a bit perhaps? 'Lost Glubb ST' - by Checkpoint - Atari ST After last year's triumph with the Atari ST remix of 'Second Reality', Defjam decides to top this off with an Atari ST version of the Lazer Falcon 030 classic dance-a-thon, Lost Blubb. Needless to say, it is every bit as good as expected. However, the digitised footage of Defjam in a ballet dress and tights will require infinity buckets of mind bleach to erase! 'SV2k13 Invitro' - by Justin Beeper - Atari Game and Watch Another day, another format has an invitation coded for it. This time we have a little smasher of an intro for the Atari Game and Watch. What's that, you say, there's no such thing as an Atari Game and Watch? Oh but there was! In typical Atari style, it was magnificently over-specced and flawed. It had 4096 colours onscreen, triple play fields and multiplexing hardware sprites. Not to mention an eight channel FM synthesis sound chip. We'd better not forget the battery life of approximately thirty-seven minutes either. Truly a technological tour-de-force hailed by no-one! ..U t i l s.. 'Hummer Compression Utility' - by Sillyventure Party Organisers - Human bodies The latest revolution in archiving technology. It beats .zip, it makes .LZH look puny and limp. We are proud to present our new 'Fast And Revolutionary Tamping' compression algorithm. The 'F.A.R.T' routines will squeeze out every last drop of space, when it comes to packing people into stretched luxury vehicles. For some reason when it is in use, the surrounding atmosphere smells of actual flatulence, but we're working on that! The Devils Show 'Rate your chances with the ladies' app - RJ Michael - Atari STE This app is derived from early code originally made by 'Felicebeforehewasmarried' productions. The user inputs their vital statistics, physical attributes, hobbies and interests, blood alcohol level, ambitions and relationship status with the Atari scene into the easy to get to grips with GEM interface. Wait and watch as an attractively animated GIF of one of the dancing ladies blows a derisive raspberry from the screen, once the horrible truth is realised by the app! ..H a r d w a r e.. Universal Atari thingy with Sex in its name - by Jookie and Lotharek In spite of being placed into a featureless steel case, this nifty unit does everything. Yes, really. The Universal Atari thingy emulates every machine and peripheral from Atari XL to Falcon and even a couple of hypothetical future models of Atari that didn't leave the Atari Corp drawing boards before the final collapse happened. Most users are very satisfied, but there are some people having problems accidentally accessing a poorly documented 'Open dimensional portals' mode, whilst trying to set up the ethernet connection. Jookie is happy enough to offer one-to-one assistance, but as the affected people have gone through the portals and set up ice cream sex palaces in a much more palatable reality, no one has got back to him as yet! ..F o r - S a l e.. Several pairs of slightly soiled latex gloves. No longer required as we've had our operating budget upped by quite a margin and splurged the lot on X-Rays and lasers to harass passengers with. All sensible offers considered - The Luton Airport Security Team. ..M u l t i m e d i a.. 'I slept with a fish and found a corpse in my arms on awakening.' - by Nosfe "Dammit, I dropped my phone into the fish tank. It was recording in movie mode too. Never mind, let's see, what can we save from this?" 'Snoring Terror in Sleeping Room 2 !!!' The barely awaited sequel to 'Snoring Terror in Sleeping Room!' It features all your comedy favourites from the first film, namely Drunky Scener, Shouty Drunky Scener, Ms Squeaky Littlevoice, Captain Bigtits, Lieutenant Flatulence and the ineffectual asshole authority figure who vainly tries to assert control and failing miserably. And their dumb sidekick. Or have I just got confused with the Police Academy series of movies? ..P o e t r y - C o r n e r.. With some stunning random Haiku from the Polish Atari scene in the realtime text! "What Amiga ? Pegasus ! Amiga to GARUFFFF!" "Grey Great party, Kebaloz stood up and record all your glasses with ladybugs!" "Apparently not only are the ladybugs from Lidl, Okay bought them on alledrogo." Ed-note:- Right, that's quite enough poetry corner! ..I n t e r v i e w.. With a tray of food in the Sillyventure canteen! This is a bit different from our usual interviews. A disturbingly sentient tray of food offers its views on the up and coming Sillyventure 2014 party! Sillymag:- "We don't often hear from edible objects. What brings you to Sillyventure 2014?" Food:- "A van driven by the owner of the California Baja Grill, stupid! Why not try me with some decent questions!" Sillymag:- "Erm, fair play. How do you feel about the party then?" Food:- "I've got mixed feelings. On the one hand, it's great to have much of the best of the Atari scene gathered in one place. The enthusiasm and commitment of the organisers is breathtaking. On the other hand, when Atari sceners get hungry, it's not much fun for the likes of us." Sillymag:- "How so?" Food:- "When they're hungry, they're *really* hungry! It's frightening. That CiH bloke in particular, he's a complete animal with food. At least he bothers to clear his plate and keep it in his stomach. Some of the ex-Amiga people get stupid drunk, start to eat and then hurl it back on to the plate." "We're used to living comfortably in a warm oven, so this is just cruel and perverse behaviour." Sillymag:- "That sounds like a poor experience from previous parties. What do you think is going to be different this time round?" Food:- "I believe that the catering team are going to try out some, shall we say, *innovative* recycling techniques with some of the more awkward party-goers. I won't say too much more, but remember this. Soylent Green is people!" Sillymag:- "And with that final thought, it's goodbye from us!" (Hasty dash to the exit follows.) ..When the attractively featured lady with little clothing dances around!.. Chuck of Dune was all hot and flushed! Felice was spotted with his tongue hanging in the 'out' position! One of the Swedes, beamed in from the original party at Easter 2000, may have actually agreed a beneficial financial transaction with her, and her sister for 'personal services'?! And Grey is sleeping in the garden shed for the next three months! And that is your lot! Hope you enjoyed this and the rest of the issue! CiH - November 2014. Back to the Index.